Monday, June 16, 2008
In Over My Head
Over the last 3+ years I've been a volunteer chaplain at the Jail, I realize that I have most of the time felt 'in over my head.' It may sound silly, but I'm serious. I've nearly always had doubts about why on earth God would choose me to do this work. I finally came to realize that He meant it when He chose me and I accepted my call and stopped doubting Him, but that didn't come easy either. Then there are the incredible things I've been asked to help others deal with. Like just this past weekend I got a call from one of my ladies who had just escaped from being help captive at knife-point and raped. She was hysterical and needed me. She didn't know who else to call and she wanted me. So I went and got her, keep in mind I have never dealt with anything like that. I had NO idea what to do or say. But I went and got her and stayed with her all day. We went to the police department, the sexual assult treatment center and she is still staying at my house (because she doesn't want me to leave her). As the day passed I found myself talking to God and telling Him again (though my tears) I feel in over my head. Then it dawned on me....maybe that's exactly how He wants me to feel. Maybe He wants me to always have to, need to and be required to rely on Him in these kinds of situations. Maybe when someone tells me how they were abused as a child He needs me to let Him say what He wants to through me. Maybe when someone admits to me the horrible crimes they have committed He needs to demonstrate forgiveness and unconditional love only the way He can through me. I don't know maybe I'm just still reeling from the events of the past weekend. One thing I know is I still feel in over my head and yet He continues to use me to do incredible things for these women. So maybe, just maybe I'm kind of supposed to feel that way?????